1-year-7-month-old son, 0-month-old daughter. Elder brother loves to take care of his younger sister.

　Last week, I have spoken on “Regression-to-infant.” And I received a query.

　Query “I am busy taking care of the younger child and I cannot take care of the elder child in Regression-to-infant. It is impossible for me to take time with the elder child. What will happen if I abandon Regression-to-infant of the elder child?”
　
　On receiving this query, I thought “Yes, it certainly is….” Mother with helpless infant, and also in one-man-operation (it means that the person is in the state of managing a great deal of workload alone and it is often used in the scene of child-raising.) and there must be many families that cannot spare time only for the elder child.

　However, simply just abandoning it absolutely is not good! Regression-to-infant is a “SOS” sign from the child. When you yourself ask for help to someone, and if you are neglected then how do you feel? You are extremely hurt, and the feeling of trust for the person will be lost. Even between parent and child, same thing shall happen. The child not being able to receive a reaction from the parent for Regression-to-infant, it is known that the feeling of trust declines up to around reaching puberty, and cause problem between parent-child relationship.

　Then, what could be done in limited time. The essential thing is, if the child could comprehend that “Mother (father) loves and cares for me as before” it is no need to spend long time for its method.

　For example, in my case, I ask my son whether it is alright to take care of the baby such as, “Baby is crying, is it ok for me to give milk to her?” every time. He hardly says NO, yet once in a while he does not give me a permission, then I ask him again after about 3 minutes interval. By doing this, he begins to realize that his opinion is being respected. As baby’s occupation is crying, there is no harm in letting the baby cry for a while. And it is alright to respond within 30 minutes after baby starts crying, so it is better for mothers not to be over-strained.

　And when I take care of the baby, I ask my elder son to actively take part in it. Bring milk-bottle to baby’s bedside, and make the baby burp after feeding with him, push baby buggy together with me, as such. What is important here is that voice out the request or help in words, and when he helps out (of course parent helps) voice out the words of gratitude sufficiently. It should not be “Wow! Great!” instead “I was greatly saved by your help, thank you,” may be the better words. The solid sense of being able to be helpful to the beloved person and the joy of being thanked shall deepen the relationship of trust without fail.

　Taking plenty of time is one of the ways of the manifestation of love, yet taking time is not the only way of love. It is alright with small things and let us accumulate the reply to the “SOS.”